Finding support after losing a loved one

Article Summary

• Learn how to navigate the practical tasks of managing finances, estate matters, and life insurance.
• It can be hard to manage emotions as you cope with the loss.
• Learn healthy coping strategies.
• Find support.

Losing a loved one can be a painful, devastating part of life, whether it was a recent loss or a loss that occurred months or even years ago. This guide can help you as you deal with the loss, offering you tips on finding financial and emotional support.

Navigating the practical tasks

After the loss of a loved one, it can be overwhelming to think about practical matters like finances and legal paperwork. If it was a recent loss, things may still be a blur. Whether it was recent or has been a while, it's okay to ask for help. For help on what to do when, turn to our detailed Survivor’s Checklist GuideOpens in New Window. In addition to the checklist, here are a few additional resources:

Resources from USAA

• Financial guidance: It's common to face unexpected financial strain after losing a loved one. Don't hesitate to seek guidance and resources if you're struggling to manage accounts, benefits, or bills. There are people who can help you navigate these challenges.
• USAA Advice Center: These articles and tools can provide guidance, from dealing with life insurance to creating a budget and paying bills.
• Estate settlement: Dealing with estate and legal matters can be complex and confusing. Consider seeking professional guidance from an attorney or financial advisor to ensure everything is handled correctly and to protect your interests.
• Life insurance claims: If your loved one had a life insurance policy, gather the necessary information and file a claim. This can provide financial security during a difficult time.
• Survivor Relations: Offering guidance for managing accounts, benefits, and next steps after a loved one passes.

Resources for veterans

• The U.S. Department of Veterans AffairsOpens in New Window:‍ ‍ ^{See note 1} Contact the VA as soon as possible to report the death of a veteran. The department also has resources for help with burials and other benefits.
• Face the FightOpens in New Window:‍ ‍ ^{See note 1} USAA and several other organizations have created a coalition to support veterans and their families and provide tools for connection and resilience.

Navigating emotions

Grief can come in waves, and you may find that you experience a wide range of emotions, sometimes all at once. It’s important to remember there is no one right way to grieve, and that your emotional responses to the loss of a loved one can be hard to predict. But though everyone grieves differently, there are some experiences that are universal.

The stages of grief

Experts have found that generally, we go through five stages as we process our emotions and come to terms with our loss.

• Denial: It’s not unusual to respond to strong, sudden emotions like grief and sorrow by ignoring them, or pretending that the tragedy hasn’t happened. Denying it gives you time and space to begin to process your loss; it’s a coping mechanism that helps numb the intensity of the situation.
• Anger: Getting angry at the loss can help you mask or hide the emotions and pain you are feeling. Your anger might be directed at other people, inanimate objects, yourself, even the person who has died. It isn’t always a white-hot rage; sometimes, anger can be bitterness or resentment.
• Bargaining: As you try to make sense of your loss, you may find yourself asking “what if” or “if only.” These questions and statements (“If only I had called to check on her, she might not be gone”) are our way of trying to regain a sense of control over the situation or to feel like you can change the outcome. Religious individuals often try to make a deal with God or a higher power to ease their pain and grief.
• Depression: Most people expect to feel immediately depressed or sad after a death. But this stage often comes later, after you’ve tried to avoid your emotions. At this point, you’re often ready to work through your feelings and process your loss. Like most stages of grief, depression can feel messy and difficult, and it’s easy to get overwhelmed and feel stuck here. A mental health expert can be helpful as you work through this stage of grieving.
• Acceptance: This stage isn’t about moving on, but it does mean you’ve come to understand what the loss means to your life, and you aren’t fighting it or avoiding it any longer. When you accept the loss of a loved one, you’ll start to see that there are more good days than bad ahead of you again.

Myths about grief

Grief is very personal; it isn’t neat or linear and it doesn’t follow a timeline or schedule. When we experience loss, we all work through the stages of grief at our own pace, and we might not experience the stages in the same order. We might not even experience every stage of grief; it’s common to skip a stage or to even repeat a stage during your grieving process.

It's also important to remember that grief does not have a defined end. While the intensity of your emotions will ease over time, the person who has died will be remembered and missed for years to come.

When grief becomes overwhelming

Sometimes, when we lose a loved one suddenly or unexpectedly, or when we have a hard time processing our emotions, we can be overwhelmed by our sorrow and grief. In cases of complicated or traumatic grief, our painful emotions last so long and are so severe that they keep us from recovering from the loss and resuming our day-to-day lives.

If you’re unable to move through the stages of grief more than a year after the loss of a loved one, it could be helpful to work with a mental health expert or grief counselor to help you come to terms with the loss.

Healthy coping strategies

It’s important to take care of yourself, even when your grief makes it hard to even get out of bed. But prioritizing self-care, like getting enough sleep, eating healthy meals and drinking enough water, can help keep you going and boost your spirits. Establishing and maintaining regular daily routines, like a regular bedtime or going to the gym first thing in the morning, can help you avoid getting mired down in your sorrow. Even moving your body through gentle exercises like walking or yoga can help you feel better.

You can also work through your grief by finding creative ways to remember the person you’ve lost, like a small personal tribute area in your home with framed pictures or mementos. These reminders might be painful at first, but eventually you’ll see them and smile.

Finding support

When you experience the loss of a loved one, your first instinct may be to withdraw from friends and family to grieve on your own. But even when you don’t want to talk about your loss, being around other people who care can be comforting and can help ease the burden of grieving.

For example, friends and family could be able to help you with tasks like planning the funeral or even dealing with the deceased’s belongings. Loved ones can also make good listeners as you mourn.

You may also find it helpful to join a bereavement support group or talk with a bereavement counselor. Sharing your grief with others who have been through the same experience could help you feel less alone, or help you deal with any unresolved issues after your loved one’s death.

If you aren’t sure where to turn, these resources may help.

Professional help

• Find a therapistOpens in New Window:‍ ‍ ^{See note 1} Explore behavioral health support. Talking to a therapist can provide a safe space to process your grief.
• Military OneSourceOpens in New Window:‍ ‍ ^{See note 1} Free, confidential 24/7 support for service members and families.
• 988 Suicide & Crisis LifelineOpens in New Window:‍ ‍ ^{See note 1} Immediate help if you ever feel unsafe or overwhelmed; dial 988 for immediate help.

A gentle reminder

The emotional and financial stress that can occur days, weeks, months or even years after a loss may feel overwhelming. There’s no right way to experience it. One moment you may feel okay, and the next, a wave of anxiety may wash over you. Be patient with yourself and seek support whenever you need it. You are not alone.

Sending you strength and peace on your journey.